I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
