I accidentally had phone sex last night
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
