wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
