I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
