im about as happy as oj after his trial
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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