God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
