My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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