I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
