You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
