Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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