You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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