The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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