there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
