I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
