You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Rumble strips road head = magical
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
