U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
