It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
