Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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