Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
