Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
