I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Dick very happy bro
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
