all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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