I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Randomize
