My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
