I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
