how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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