I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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