hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Sex in the backyard? Check.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
