She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I don't deserve a penis
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
