I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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