i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
