Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
