just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
