spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
