And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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