***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
