Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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