i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
a search helicopter?!
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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