Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
