im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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