Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
