this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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