What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
