It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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