party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
