I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
