yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
We smell like vodka and hangover
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