I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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