Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
