Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You ruined the universe
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
