My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
