i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
