Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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