i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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