Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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