You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
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I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
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You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Never let your siblings swipe right.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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