90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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