dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
