where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
