I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
