While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
