I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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