Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I want to be your penis for a week.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
