is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Randomize
