Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
