dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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