If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
