Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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