How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
