apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
